When I stopped swimming I literally didn’t want to do it one day – so I didn’t. After 7 years of training up to 160 lengths, six times a week, that was it for me. I thought the only backlash would be my parents and my coach. I thought I didn’t need it, but my body suddenly changed and I had no control over it anymore. I had hindered puberty by training so frequently so my body reacted like the Michelin woman. My doctor sent me for relaxation lessons that would now be seen as meditation. She was well aware I needed it to calm myself down. Swimming had given me a purpose and focus, without me even realising it.
It’s happened a couple of times when there have been big changes in life. My grandmother would call it losing my spirit. Even as a child you get put in a box when you’re good at something, but no one can keep you in there!
The other time I’ve felt like this was when I broke my back. I knew it would change me but had no idea how. The things that seemed important really weren’t and I have lost certain people along the way who I haven’t been able to explain this to. I have always been an active person but felt like I lost that sense of adventure for a while. A lot of people treated me like I was made of glass and I think I felt like protecting myself in that was too. This was until I started gym training again. I didn’t know if I’d feel too competitive around groups of people but actually it just spurs me on to be my best and not compare to others. I’ve got that endorphin buzz back that I craved as a sports person.
What I also never realised was that it gave me a camaraderie with a ready made group of like minded people. I was part of something. Whenever I’ve trained with others since it has brought the best out of me. I found that when I joined a rowing group, I love the community of yoga classes and I now find that with my work too. To be around and associated with people who get things done suits me down to the ground. I guess you never realise this but coming from a big family where there are always people around it’s in your makeup. I’m ok with my own company but I’m better with others.
There’s a big emphasis these days on doing what makes you happy. I know it would seem stupid not to but often if we’re doing things to please others or in a job with no purpose this is the case. We are different…as they say in Thailand – same same but different.
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